how many times have you looked in the mirror and not liked the image that is staring back you? are you one of those people who avoids staring in the mirror altogether? or are you one to look in the mirror and think "dang! i look good!"?
i know which one i am. i look in the mirror and my opinion of myself changes. one day i can look in the mirror and think "hannah, don't listen to what they all say, you are beautiful in your own way." other days i think "for god sake, wear a bag over your head and hide that face will you?" and it's horrible, i'm my own worst enemy. i criticise myself over every little thing. if i don't get a good grade in a lesson i kick myself because they got better than me. and i hate that. no matter how many times people tell me that i am pretty and that i shouldn't listen to them, i still don't believe them. i've been told i'm ugly, one of my best friends did it. but we 'drifted apart' so she says. what she means is "i changed myself to be popular and you were right to ditch me." but anyway, those comments still stick with me. and they always will. if i get an odd look from someone i take it personally. i know i shouldn't but i do.
but i am learning to ignore snide remarks. if people have nothing nice to say to you don't listen to you. someone once told me "people only pick out your faults because it gives them an ego boost." and that's what i think every time someone criticises me. and it helps me get by. no one has the right to tell you that you aren't beautiful. not even yourself. inner beauty is what really matters. outer beauty is just the show, so who cares if that boy won't date you because your hair doesn't stay straight? who cares if you can't be in that 'popular' group because you don't cake your face in make up everyday? one day you will find people who want to your friend for who you are, and you'll find a boy who loves you for you inner beauty and personality.
so don't worry about people's snide comments. they probably feel the same way as you. they probably look in the mirror and hate the reflection that's looking back at them. they've probably been critiscised, so they in the end feel the need to criticise someone else. so let them get on with it and show them you can rise above it and move the fuck on.
Wednesday, 25 August 2010
Sunday, 22 August 2010
i love the way you lie.
just gonna stand there and watch me burn.
but that's alright because i like the way it hurts.
just gonna stand there and hear me cry.
but that's alright because i like the way it hurts.
just gonna stand there and hear me cry.
but that's alright because i love the way you lie.
i love the way you lie.
Monday, 9 August 2010
it's a big world after all...
well, i'm sat here, absolutely buzzing and jumping around with excitement as in a few hours i'm going to be getting up and going on my long-awaited summer holiday!
but then it hit me. a couple of weeks after i get back i have to go back to school. now don't take this the wrong way. i'm not complaining about how school sucks or anything. in fact i'm scared and want the school years to slow right down! this time next year i'll be thinking about going into year 11. then it's sixth form, then uni. and then i'm alone in the big big world. going to be making my own way.
it's different when you're six years old and you say "when i'm older i'm going to live in a big house, and have lots of money, and loads of kids." because you aren't old enough to understand just how daunting it is as an adult. the fact now that everything i do affects my future, passing my GCSE's affects whether i get into sixth form. my A-Levels affect whether i get into uni. and uni affects whether i get a career and the job i want. it may seem far away, but it seems like only yesterday i was starting infants school as a five year old. scared that no one was going to like me. now 10 years down the line. well, i want time to slow down.
i want to cherish my childhood. not have it pass me by in the blink of an eye. i want to be able to have people around me supporting me for longer. i want to live with my mummy forever and have her cook me dinner every day. even though that sounds selfish. i don't want to grow up just yet. i don't want to have to fend for myself yet. i don't want to grow up. not yet anyway.
these are the times you wish peter pan would climb through your window and take you off to neverland...
but then it hit me. a couple of weeks after i get back i have to go back to school. now don't take this the wrong way. i'm not complaining about how school sucks or anything. in fact i'm scared and want the school years to slow right down! this time next year i'll be thinking about going into year 11. then it's sixth form, then uni. and then i'm alone in the big big world. going to be making my own way.
it's different when you're six years old and you say "when i'm older i'm going to live in a big house, and have lots of money, and loads of kids." because you aren't old enough to understand just how daunting it is as an adult. the fact now that everything i do affects my future, passing my GCSE's affects whether i get into sixth form. my A-Levels affect whether i get into uni. and uni affects whether i get a career and the job i want. it may seem far away, but it seems like only yesterday i was starting infants school as a five year old. scared that no one was going to like me. now 10 years down the line. well, i want time to slow down.
i remember when your only worry was the cut on your knee. when you would cry at the dinner table because you had vegetables again. when you got excited over having pizza. or when i cried because i had missed an episode of the simpsons. as i went through this, i never thought for a second that i would be worrying about my future, and the options and choices i have to face. i remember when i wanted to be a grown up, but now i wish it would slow down, so i can make the right choices for sure and never doubt them.
i want to cherish my childhood. not have it pass me by in the blink of an eye. i want to be able to have people around me supporting me for longer. i want to live with my mummy forever and have her cook me dinner every day. even though that sounds selfish. i don't want to grow up just yet. i don't want to have to fend for myself yet. i don't want to grow up. not yet anyway.
these are the times you wish peter pan would climb through your window and take you off to neverland...
the pig of happiness.
so, i was woken up by my mum at 8 this morning. which annoyed me because i have to be up at around 2am tomorrow morning, so i'm up and ready to go to the airport to jett of to cyprus by 3.30ish. it put me in a grouchy mood. but that soon went away, when i went downstairs and realised just how happy and smiley my parents were this morning. my sister however. well, i'm still annoyed with her, she just wound me up constantly yesterday. maybe not intentionaly, but she damn well did. she annoyed me this morning as well. mum set us on 'housework duty' whilst she and dad went to get the last few euro's, so i did all my jobs, and katie was busy doing the hoovering, when the hoover stops working.
so she yells at me " hannah come help me!" and i'm telling you, i'm not going to respond and help someone who doesn't have the decency to be civil to me. who does she think she is queen of the world? but anyway, i stayed on my computer, talking to my friend becca on MSN, when she yelled again. FML. so went to her, just to humour her, and said "leave it till mum gets home, she'll fix it, it happened the other day." so she then threw a paddy because she hadn't done her room. and oddly she reminded me of monica from friends, upset because she hadn't finished her cleaning. and to be honest, i found her storming around rather amusing, so i headed back to my room and sat laughing on my chair, which i think she heard. so this added fuel to her already raging fire -_-, so that's my morning.
i'm seeing my boyfriend later on, he was meant to be in scotland until the 12th, and i wasn't meant to see him until the 18th, because i get back from my holiday on the 17th. but yeah, when he rang me yesterday to ask if he could come today i was rather happy. he's only staying for a few hours, because mum (who is the only one in my family who actually likes him. -_-) said that he has to go home earlier as we need to go get my nan. who is staying over the week we are away to 'babysit' our cat.
you see, our cat is literally a pussycat. he's scared of everything. and he won't even leave the garden, so my nan, who kept a cat alive for 18 years, is bunking here to look after him. he does love her. she came over briefly one morning when my parents were working real early to see me and katie off to school, and he bounced (he's fat) downstairs, saw her and curled up next to her! i had to wait for him to settle in (which was around 6 months because he's scared of everything! -_-) and he lays eyes on her and lays next to her instantly! but then again she is a cat person.
i'm up early tomorrow, to get to the airport, to jet off to cyprus. looking forward to i am. super buzzing! but i have to get through today first :(. my mum has this wacky idea that because i got up early today i'll be more willing to sleep this evening. is she crazy? a teenage girl is going on holiday and has to get up in the early hours of the morning?! she's not going to sleep! so as my nan is bunking downstairs, if i can't sleep (which i won't, although i will try, to humour my mother.) i'm going to bop downstairs and talk to my nan. my mum has some idea that nan won't sleep until we have left. i doubt she'll sleep at all. she gets up at 5ish every morning. my nan's version of a lie-in is 6am. whereas my version? well that's another story altogether.
well i won't bore you much longer. i'll be going now. things to do, people to see. yadda yadda.
so she yells at me " hannah come help me!" and i'm telling you, i'm not going to respond and help someone who doesn't have the decency to be civil to me. who does she think she is queen of the world? but anyway, i stayed on my computer, talking to my friend becca on MSN, when she yelled again. FML. so went to her, just to humour her, and said "leave it till mum gets home, she'll fix it, it happened the other day." so she then threw a paddy because she hadn't done her room. and oddly she reminded me of monica from friends, upset because she hadn't finished her cleaning. and to be honest, i found her storming around rather amusing, so i headed back to my room and sat laughing on my chair, which i think she heard. so this added fuel to her already raging fire -_-, so that's my morning.
i'm seeing my boyfriend later on, he was meant to be in scotland until the 12th, and i wasn't meant to see him until the 18th, because i get back from my holiday on the 17th. but yeah, when he rang me yesterday to ask if he could come today i was rather happy. he's only staying for a few hours, because mum (who is the only one in my family who actually likes him. -_-) said that he has to go home earlier as we need to go get my nan. who is staying over the week we are away to 'babysit' our cat.
you see, our cat is literally a pussycat. he's scared of everything. and he won't even leave the garden, so my nan, who kept a cat alive for 18 years, is bunking here to look after him. he does love her. she came over briefly one morning when my parents were working real early to see me and katie off to school, and he bounced (he's fat) downstairs, saw her and curled up next to her! i had to wait for him to settle in (which was around 6 months because he's scared of everything! -_-) and he lays eyes on her and lays next to her instantly! but then again she is a cat person.
i'm up early tomorrow, to get to the airport, to jet off to cyprus. looking forward to i am. super buzzing! but i have to get through today first :(. my mum has this wacky idea that because i got up early today i'll be more willing to sleep this evening. is she crazy? a teenage girl is going on holiday and has to get up in the early hours of the morning?! she's not going to sleep! so as my nan is bunking downstairs, if i can't sleep (which i won't, although i will try, to humour my mother.) i'm going to bop downstairs and talk to my nan. my mum has some idea that nan won't sleep until we have left. i doubt she'll sleep at all. she gets up at 5ish every morning. my nan's version of a lie-in is 6am. whereas my version? well that's another story altogether.
well i won't bore you much longer. i'll be going now. things to do, people to see. yadda yadda.
Sunday, 8 August 2010
friendship.
friendship. it's a wonderful thing. it allows to have this one person who you can share this unbreakable bond with. someone who knows when you are sad, even when you have a smile plastered on your face. someone who you can ring at 4 in the morning saying "dude, i need you right about now." and they'll reply with "i'll be right over."
a friend is someone who will stick by you even when your world is imploding, when the walls are closing in and you feel like everyone is against you. a friend is someone who can make it sunny on a rainy day. a friend is someone who has the ability to give you this overwhelming amount of confidence that you suddenly find yourself in the street acting like a total idiot, but not caring because you are with them.
a true friend is a four-leaf-clover, oh so very rare, and oh so very precious. once you get one, never let it go. because it'll be ages until you find one that is as amazing, wonderful and special as this one. someone who sticks with you when everyone else has gone. when you are crying because your boyfriend ended it, they'll be there, not holding your hand, but ready to punch him up. the one who tells you that that dress looks awful on you, so you don't go out looking stupid. someone who you can trust your life with.
you'll know when you've found a real friend. because you'll be reading this and there'll be that one friend who was on your mind the whole time.
a friend is someone who will stick by you even when your world is imploding, when the walls are closing in and you feel like everyone is against you. a friend is someone who can make it sunny on a rainy day. a friend is someone who has the ability to give you this overwhelming amount of confidence that you suddenly find yourself in the street acting like a total idiot, but not caring because you are with them.
a true friend is a four-leaf-clover, oh so very rare, and oh so very precious. once you get one, never let it go. because it'll be ages until you find one that is as amazing, wonderful and special as this one. someone who sticks with you when everyone else has gone. when you are crying because your boyfriend ended it, they'll be there, not holding your hand, but ready to punch him up. the one who tells you that that dress looks awful on you, so you don't go out looking stupid. someone who you can trust your life with.
you'll know when you've found a real friend. because you'll be reading this and there'll be that one friend who was on your mind the whole time.
i love you.
i love you.
3 words. 8 letters. 1 meaning.
those are the words a girl will wait her whole life to hear. a girl would wait an eternity for prince charming to turn up at her door, sweep her off her feet and run off with her into the sunset. girls long for their own cinderella story. that's all a girl wants. to be a princess. to be wanted. to be needed. to love. and to be loved in return.
but the sad thing is, not many girls find that. some do wait their whole life for mr right - and they waste their life away in the process. because he never shows up. instead, they hook up with some good-for-nothing git who takes them for granted and doesn't respect them. but being a guy, they don't care.
3 words. 8 letters. 1 meaning.
those are the words a girl will wait her whole life to hear. a girl would wait an eternity for prince charming to turn up at her door, sweep her off her feet and run off with her into the sunset. girls long for their own cinderella story. that's all a girl wants. to be a princess. to be wanted. to be needed. to love. and to be loved in return.
but the sad thing is, not many girls find that. some do wait their whole life for mr right - and they waste their life away in the process. because he never shows up. instead, they hook up with some good-for-nothing git who takes them for granted and doesn't respect them. but being a guy, they don't care.
some guys see girls as objects. toys. things they play with. but guys, you have a utensil you can play with, it's called your dick. which i'm afraid to say ladies, some guys are. but you have to find the one man who isn't one. he may be on the other side of the world. but he's still there. and you may think that you're never going to find love and eternal happiness. but there is someone out there for everyone. someone who will love you, care for you and cherish you forever. someone who will see you for the wonderful lady you are. and surely that is worth waiting a life time for?
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