it's a big world after all...

well, i'm sat here, absolutely buzzing and jumping around with excitement as in a few hours i'm going to be getting up and going on my long-awaited summer holiday!

but then it hit me. a couple of weeks after i get back i have to go back to school. now don't take this the wrong way. i'm not complaining about how school sucks or anything. in fact i'm scared and want the school years to slow right down! this time next year i'll be thinking about going into year 11. then it's sixth form, then uni. and then i'm alone in the big big world. going to be making my own way.

it's different when you're six years old  and you say "when i'm older i'm going to live in a big house, and have lots of money, and loads of kids." because you aren't old enough to understand just how daunting it is as an adult. the fact now that everything i do affects my future, passing my GCSE's affects whether i get into sixth form. my A-Levels affect whether i get into uni. and uni affects whether i get a career and the job i want. it may seem far away, but it seems like only yesterday i was starting infants school as a five year old. scared that no one was going to like me. now 10 years down the line. well, i want time to slow down.

i remember when your only worry was the cut on your knee. when you would cry at the dinner table because you had vegetables again. when you got excited over having pizza. or when i cried because i had missed an episode of the simpsons. as i went through this, i never thought for a second that i would be worrying about my future, and the options and choices i have to face. i remember when i wanted to be a grown up, but now i wish it would slow down, so i can make the right choices for sure and never doubt them.

i want to cherish my childhood. not have it pass me by in the blink of an eye. i want to be able to have people around me supporting me for longer. i want to live with my mummy forever and have her cook me dinner every day. even though that sounds selfish. i don't want to grow up just yet. i don't want to have to fend for myself yet. i don't want to grow up. not yet anyway.

these are the times you wish peter pan would climb through your window and take you off to neverland...